Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Focus Factor

Since I've been turning away from the internet during novel writing time, I've produced some good stuff! I even wrote a little scene about meditation! Hey, maybe ya'll will be star characters!

Of course, I'm no Stephen King on Adderall. My mind still strays, even while my eyes are boring holes into the computer screen. I'll be staring at a sentence but comprehending nada, just kind of watching the words dance around. However, I'd say that 70% of the time I'm very much in the world I'm trying to create, which is a big improvement.

I'm used to being a hardcore zoner-outer. Living in NYC, you kind of develop the whole hear no evil see no evil defense mechanism. Blocking out the world around you feels necessary and safe at times.

I'm an expert in this arena. When I was a child my mother thought I was deaf. Sometimes, when she called me for dinner or whatever have you, I just wouldn't hear her, even if I was 4 -5 feet away from her (I blame Judy Blume books).

Another time I was separated from my family at Disneyland for like 10 hours but I had no idea, and thus didn't panic or try to find them (a great strategy!). I just stood in the same spot, dreaming and chowing down on my candy apple.

Then there were those embarrassing few months I played softball. Who goes through an entire season of playing a sport without understanding the rules? Yo. Naturally the coaches picked up on this and relegated my spacey ass to some way out there position. I'd stand still in a hot field and not have to touch the ball (correction. Once, I did have to touch it. I threw it to the wrong team).

Thankfully, I've made some improvements in this area. And without prescription drugs! Thank you, meditation! Finally, I feel more "present in the moment," to use a phrase I hear people toss around, like "love," or "mindfulness," or "sits bones." Unless you feel it, you'll never know.

So here's my interpretation. Instead of dreaming of where I'd like to be, or where I was, or where I thought I'd be, I'm like, uh, this is me now. Stuff is happening!

During today's workout, I wasn't thinking about what I was going to eat afterward, or what I had to do tonight, or that my thighs are way tighter than they were a month ago, or that it kind of sucks that I lost my job a few days ago (oh yes, be careful what you wish for).

And despite the fact that I was sweating like a boxer before weigh in and starving like a....SHIVANI ON KFB (I have a bone to pick with this diet. Less food than I was allotted on PCP, but ok fine... I'll try it) I was so into the sensation of kicking, the use of my core, adjusting my distance from the ball to make contact - all without too much thinking and analysis. Same with the stretches. I felt those neck vertebrae totally wake-up and come to life in plough and rabbit. I could have stayed there forever. So awesome!

Here's hoping for another productive day tomorrow. Tchau people!


  1. I loved this post so much. I've been following your KFB journey & cheering you on from the sidelines, but I dug this post so much I decided to come out of lurking to say so.

    The deafness-by-books and hours spent dreaming at Disney are both highly relatable. Very cool that you're experiencing such an increase in mindfulness through KFB!

    Great post, and great writing. :)

  2. You must know the great John Lennon quote: "Life is what happens when we're making other plans." Ayup. Sounds like things are going great! Except on the job front--very sorry about that. It will work out (says she from unemployed-but-pregnant household experience).

  3. Sounds like you're in a great place!

  4. Marissa! Thank you for reaching out, and for the words. I hope you are doing and feeling well!

  5. Can we start a movement to ban the phrase "sits bones"? Ischial tuberosities FTW~!

    If you're super hungry just tell us and we can adjust, this is a two way street yo!

  6. Oh Poca, I'm sorry about your job, but where you are with the present is a total inspiration. I totally strive for that—I feel like I'm always living for what's next and feel constantly in need of do-overs b/c I didn't appreciate things the first time.

    P.S. I totally relate to your second para...I have come up with some of my best ideas when I finally got up from my desk to go to the bathroom.

    Thinking about you! (And maybe getting in touch this week when I get back to the office to find deadlines approaching...)